Saturday, 16 November 2013


Oh my gosh people. I am thoroughly in love with my new Cintiq! I have only just this weekend had a chance to use it properly on some digital commissions and it is a pure joy!
I never thought I'd ever own one, but a couple of weeks ago Amazon had a 2 hour flash sale on the Cintiq 12WX. It is an old, simple model, but it is a Cintiq nonetheless! I am useless at making decisions and at first I was cursing the fact that I had no Ian to ask what to do! After about an hour of going bright red and heart palpitations from excitement I thought it best just to buy the damn thing, and cry about the money later. 'It is an investment' I kept telling myself! This year I am saving HARD to buy a new PC so I can go full blown freelance next May! Well, this is my first step towards that goal! I am so proud for making a decision all by myself!
I had to wait hours to tell Ian! I could have burst!

I scribbled this up for fun! A friend of mine recently got a new kitty and called her Squidge Face! Best. Cat. Ever.
For you Sarah Betty! ^-^

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Thought Bubble Commissions and Con Sketches

Hello everyone!
For the first time ever I will be open to A5 commissions for the Thought Bubble festival! At my table you will find a folder full of pieces for sale or you can commission your favourite character or even one of yourself! They are marker and ink sketches on A5 card, with some grey tones and a splash of colour if I feel wild! Please see below for some examples!
Should you wish to order yours before the convention for pick up please get in touch with your ideas! They will be charged at £5 per piece :)

I can't wait for Thought Bubble! Can you?!

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Winter Spiced Butternut Squash Muffins!

As you may or may not have heard (the latter being a bit bloody unlikely!) I am currently on an elimination diet! I won't bore you with the details of what FODMAPs are or what I'm treating here because I do that ALL DAY LONG ON FACEBOOK. I have been challenging ground almonds in the form of a 'bread' type thing and have been loving it because a) It's not meat. b) It's been staying in! Yay! With the addition of ground almonds to my teeny tiny foods list I can make all sorts of weird concoctions! I have really missed baking and I have been craving sweet things! One of the veggies I'm allowed is Butternut Squash. I've been getting a bit sick and tired of it with meals because of it's sweetness. Well, it's this sweetness that I am exploiting now! In the form of my very own Winter Spiced Butternut Squash MUFFINS! Yay! I drew up the recipe for those that asked. It's practically bloody health food because it is Dairy Free, Gluten Free and Sugar Free! All the sweetness comes from the humble Squash and a little natural organic nut butter! (Sorry gang, no Sunpat allowed!) Feast on these!

I should mention that the cup I used for measurements was a quaint china tea cup :D 
I took one out to enjoy at a bonfire this evening and boy did it hit the sweet spot! :D Let me know if you make them! This is the first recipe I've ever thrown together and I've got a feeling it'll stick around for life :) 


Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Worry Wart Update

Hi everyone! I get quite a few messages from people who suffer from anxiety. Sometimes they ask 'what worked for you?' 'Are you OK now?' But usually, they are from people who are just happy to have someone to relate to! If I had someone I could message back when I didn't know what all this was about, I sure would have been grateful! I answered a question not too many days ago and I thought it would make a perfect blog post! It details some of the things I have been trying lately, what I think worked the most and also where I got a lot of support from. It is particularly relevant to the people of Bristol because I name some great initiatives, but I do like to share. You never know what might help someone in a similar position.

I always try to answer, please get in touch if you just want to talk to someone! Anyway, here is the question and letter I wrote back, with names and personal details removed of course! I hope it helps :)

I was reading through your Worry Wart blog again last night and wondered if you wouldn't mind if I asked you what out of all of the things you tried has been the most helpful for you?

Also do you have any recommendations for CBT courses/therapists etc?

Hmmm, it is such a tricky one to answer but I am sure happy to try. I feel like I've tried everything. Honestly, the biggest break I had from it was on anti-depressants (Citalopram) If you need even a month or a 3 month break from Anxiety, just so you can experience a lull in your symptoms and a bit of a mental break, it really is no bad thing. If it is driving you insane, please consider it! I had to be on it twice overall, and many others too which I won't mention as some where very strong and mind bending and some did nothing. I think Citalopram is a subtle, easy drug that just takes the edge off and they'll start you on a small dose.

But that's just taking a 'break.' I didn't want to be on them forever.

I think then, in hindsight, the second greatest thing I did for Anxiety was Hypnotherapy. I saw a wonderful man who taught me an awful lot about the human brain and it's processes. Once you recognise the signals and triggers and actually feel the releases of Adrenaline and Cortisol and really *understand* their affects on the body - there is not much more to be scared about. It is chemicals tripping and it is not your fault. He also taught me how to think more clearly and positively in situations that made me panic. It might sound simple, but once you know what's going on, you really can logic your way out of negative thought patterns.

The real, successful step forward I took is regarding very personal circumstances and will or might not apply to you but - well, since I don't know for sure, I'll tell you anyway because you never know what might help! I developed Anxiety very quietly about 5 years ago, infact the same year I had been on antibiotics for over a month. I didn't know this at the time but the antibiotics stripped my body of all good bacteria. My body started to rebel, and with it my mental state. I can understand why so many Doctors chose to treat the anxiety symptoms and give me anti anxiety and anti depressants, because I would often see them at my wits end and absolutely distraught... however one of my main 'anxiety' symptoms was really bad diarrhoea, multiple times a day and in public and often in embarrassing circumstances. At the time, I thought my brain was in the driving seat. It is kind of a chicken and egg scenario.. I can't remember what came first. I saw a Nutrition Therapist when I got back from Ireland because I was so close to a meltdown. It was actually Ian (two years ago) that made me go to a doctor and tell the truth because I'd lied about it the whole damn time. It's so embarrassing right!? Well, seeing the Nutrition Therapist was definitely the BEST thing I have done, because I now have a cause, and a problem and proof and most importantly: something to actually treat. I don't think my Anxiety can ever win again now that I know what's going on inside! I had some amazing tests done that tested the function of every organ and had some horrific results, but I'm working on it! Which is the most amazing step forward I have ever taken!

If you feel there is something else, no matter how embarrassing, please don't lie like I did! Human bodies only have a few outlets from which to scream for help! Listen to it!

I can whole heartedly recommend Lift Psychology at Knowle Health Centre. You can even refer yourself without a GP and it's completely free! They'll invite you to a day group course and then they'll have a talk with you over the phone for a complete assessment. Whatever support you need - they will offer it. They are so SO good!

I couldn't not mention Bristol Mind as I am their social media volunteer! They offer great support and support groups! I go to one, a women only social anxiety group. You can pop in, or ring them! They know aaall about it!

I really want to carry on and finish Worry Wart properly and with all the above information, but I am so focused right now on putting my body back together that I just can't find the time! It's frustrating because in my eyes, it's a happy ending! And WW at the moment is just dangling, neglected! I realise it helps so many people and I just want to do it forever! But (rather fortunately!) I think I am thoroughly done with Anxiety! I know what it is. I see it! And it's just misdirected confusing, exhausting, useless chemicals.

I hope that helps? Thank you so much for asking! I write back to lots of people who ask! If you want to know ANYTHING else just ask. If you want to scream at someone, scream at me! I will always try to help you reason it all out.

There are also two great books that really helped me when I was at crisis point!

This one for mains: Self Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes

And this one for pudding: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

Absolutely fabulous and so insightful! I have learned SO much! And you know what? I wouldn't wish the last 5 years away for all the chocolate in the world! It's taught me such a great deal about humans!


Sunday, 13 October 2013

A Weekend Off...

Sometimes you have to recharge your batteries. After a hectic couple of weeks, attending a convention and having Ian visit, I took this weekend to rest, play, read, chat, mooch and draw. I have been experiencing a bit of a 'step backwards' health wise and I have tried really hard not to get too down about it. Doing all my favourite things this weekend has plastered the smile right back across my face. Amongst many things, I started reading some X-Men comics. I've been working my way through all the films I hadn't seen over the last month or so and getting increasingly excited about superheroes. It's amazing that I have been reading and collecting comics all these years and have managed to thus far avoid the 'Big Two.' I don't quite know why, but I am hankering for them now! Just this year, I have been flicking through the classics when in comic shops. Books I'd never dared pick up before now. I had a great time shopping for Ian's birthday pressie. He wanted some Superman comics and I spent ages in FP, sat on the floor, leafing through all the many books they had and chatting to a lovely girl who worked there. It got me so excited! I settled on Red Son (highly recommended) and Birthright (the one I couldn't put back on the shelf)  I had so much fun buying them and spending so much time chatting about them to one of the staff really gave me confidence. I think all this time, it's been a confidence thing. I have just never known where to start. The sheer amount of Superhero comics is overwhelming. And since there is enough good indie stuff out there anyway, it has kept me going, happily, until now. Anyway, long story short, I have picked the X-Men as my starting point. And it doesn't matter if I have many false starts, I have so much to choose from I'm bound to find something I like! I've bought a couple of volumes so far and I'm already eyeing up more!
I spent part of today colouring up a Psylocke sketch. I had so much fun drawing this. It's like having a massage after a sports event! So completely enjoyable and fulfilling and soothing, somehow.

I also wanted to share my love of an artist with you! Just before the Nerdfest con, Heather Sheppard posted a glorious painting on her facebook page. I have never fallen in love with an image so fast! As soon as I saw it, I was immediately piqued! I don't know if it's the colours, the angle, the characters... it's just so thrilling! The composition is gorgeous, the posing is exhilarating and the colours/textures are sumptuous! I took a couple of moments to ponder on it and then set about contacting her 3 DIFFERENT WAYS. I bombarded her facebook, etsy and twitter accounts! I need this Heather, sell it to me! 
Luckily I got to her before anyone else did, and the beautiful piece you see below is lying on my bedroom floor! This iPhone photo does not do it justice. It's big and so inspiring! I think I have been drawing like a loon ever since I saw it. If only I could birth an image as evocative as this one! It makes me feel how Ghibli does, full of imagination and wonder and wide eyed innocence. I will stop gushing now, but only so I can let your eyes sink into the painting itself...

Who is this liddle guy? Is he playing? :D 

Ian and I have also been getting excited about future Razarhawk plans. I can not shitting wait to bring this comic to you! I am absolutely humbled by the response we've been having and so eager to bring you more! My art is getting better and better. I don't mean that to sound big headed, but I am learning new techniques all the time, my colouring is stronger, my line is improving and my joy of it is ten fold! And when you are surrounded by fantastic arty friends like Heather, it's hard not to want to progress, practice and polish as much as you can! GAMBARIMASHO! (I have been reading a lot of Bakuman... basically, you're all my rivals now!) >:P

That's all f'now. I have comics to make and drawings to draw and dreams to dream. Let's all do our best! 

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Lara Croft

This blog post is about my greatest love affair. I haven't loved anything for as long as I have loved Lara Croft... aside for maybe blood relatives, but those are a given.

I can hardly remember getting the game for PC way back when I was 9 or maybe 10. The details are so fuzzy. What I do remember is seeing the box art in a big store, probably Currys, and asking my dad to buy it for us! I dressed it up as an educational game that would really, really help me get good scores on my SATs exams. I was being entirely truthful in my claims, or so I thought. I'd gotten the game completely mixed up with one I'd seen advertised on kids TV (I would bloody love to know which one, but after all these years I have completely forgotten all but tiny details.. I have a screen grab in my head but it gets blurrier and blurrier the more I focus on it...) The game (I think) was a problem solving digging game. I saw Tomb Raider and immediately decided it was definitely, definitely that one. Somehow I received parental approval and the game was bought.

"It's puzzles Dad!"

What I do remember is being thoroughly crap at it, as I am with all games. I was slow and clumsy and far too focused on doing things right instead of fast. I always died. I still do. I barely play games these days after more than my fair share of tuts, sighs and digs from reluctant spectators. I enjoy them. I got a rare chance to play TR: Legend at Uni because everyone else in the house was completely occupied with final projects and I maintain it was my best game experience ever. I got left entirely alone to explore bloody everything and collect bloody everything and even go back and do it faster and better AND complete her bloody house! Score. But anyway, that is now and not then. Back then, after my crapness incensed all those around me I eventually got used to watching my little brother play through all the best games. An expert at bosses, navigating his way through the plot at a speed that would fuel my ever increasing impatience. The faster he got, the more story I wanted. Games like MGS and FFVII I would start, but eventually give up and just watch my brother. TR was a little different however. I would snatch what chances I could. And loved it. 

This is my pride and joy: The Art Of Tomb Raider. Two mammoth art books in a hardback sleeve. 

I've grown up with Lara. I remember using my homework diary at High School to catalogue my saved up dinner money with a £29.99 goal: Tomb Raider II. I was a bit of a weirdo and drew her everywhere. I was definitely too young to know she was considered 'sexy.' To me she was the strongest woman I had ever known. She killed bears and sharks and tigers and climbed and back flipped. Also, she ran for like, a million miles. I remember starting cross country in PE and thinking 'fucking hell, how the hell does Lara Croft run fucking everywhere!?' (I really liked the F word when I was a kid) I would then sometimes press shift and let her walk for bit. Just incase I was running her into the ground. Cross country was hard as balls! 

She's been through more than her fair share of criticisms and redesigns. I want to write about how I saw her and how much I needed her as a ten year old girl. I don't remember being aware of the amount of male lead characters in popular cartoons and media, but I do remember unconsciously clinging to the franchises with female leads or favouring the female characters in an ensemble cartoon series. Misty was my favourite in Pokémon, Spinelli was my favourite character in Recess, Aeris and Tifa were my most trained up characters in FFVII, Pepper Ann was my favourite cartoon etc etc. There was nothing about Lara Croft that could put me off. Even the tarty marketing in magazines. I just didn't get it. It didn't cross my mind not to love her just because she was suddenly draped in red silk and semi naked. I don't bloody know why.
I love seeing her in different styles!

She had big boobs. Big deal. So did every grown up woman to me back then and the most beautiful woman of all was me mum. And she had massive norks! I only became aware of the controversy as a teenager and by then it was too bloody late. And also, I didn't agree. It made her no less stronger in my eyes. And I am far from alone. There are as many articles and arguments on Lara Croft being a pro feminist icon as there are on her being anti feminist. 

I can't pick just one!

I have loved every single incarnation of Lara since her first. However, if I hold a candle for her original design then I burn a whole village down for her TR: Legend redesign (Crystal Dynamics represent!) Maybe it's because I had such a good gaming experience with it. TRII is also one of my favourites.

I haven't as yet plugged my PS3 in. But when I do I am all over this Squenix version. I can't wait! And there's no one to tut! :D 

When I was about to take my driving test in 2011, I was so nervous. I was on Diazapam and had been struggling with anxiety for a couple of years. I text my mum the morning of the test to vent some of my nerves and probably came across as a bit neurotic. I was petrified. Mostly of shitting myself, but also because driving is scary and something I never wanted to do. I wish I still had the message that she replied with. It would take me hours to track it down in the memory of my iPhone (unless y'all know a trick?) However, I remember the content of it entirely and it is not the first time she has used this speech on me! It went something like: Don't be daft! Do you think Lara would be shitting it?! No! She'd drive her jeep over whoever got in her way!' There would have been so, so many curse words but you get the point right? It might be ridiculous to you, but Lara Croft has been my invisible guardian since that first game. My mum has cranked that line out for exams, interviews, meetings and god knows what else. Have you ever done a guided visualisation for confidence? Sometimes you are asked to picture the person who you think is the most confident and then imagine you stepping into them and becoming them. Mine is always Lara.
I have also been drawing her likeness for as long as she's been in this world. Thinking back, I probably (OK, totally) looked like a proper nutcase. But I drew her on exercise books, tables, homework diarys, I painted her life size on my bedroom wall when I was 13, cut her pictures out of magazines to make collages. When everyone else fancied Backstreet Boys, I fancied Lara Croft.

Kitty Hawk and Linjin: ma gurls!

And that love continues to this day. I am sure my drive to design my own characters is fuelled by my childish adulation of this fictional woman. It pushes me to put my ideas on paper. She brings out my passion to create. Without Lara Croft, Kitty Hawk (my number one girl!) wouldn't exist as she does. When I met Ian and we started hatching plans to make our own comics, he picked up on my love of Lara pretty immediately. As I'm sure many geeks will agree with me, our passions tend to be forever bubbling just below the surface of our everyday personas and meeting someone who echoes that in you often brings them unwittingly bursting out. Kitty Hawk is my answer to Lara Croft. I recognised a strength in her that took me back to being a 10 year old in love with a video game character. Kitty just does, as does Lara. Flaws or no, they are going to get the job done. And with Linjin, my own personal creation that has been maturing for friggin' years in the demijohn of my imagination, is my desire to create a character for young girls to want to engage with. An endlessly adventurous, boundless spirit. And whether they are small scale or not, it doesn't matter because they exist.

So my unrelenting thanks to Toby Gard, for giving me a hero, and indirectly spawning more.

Saturday, 14 September 2013


Ian and I have both recently been to see Elysium at the cinema! Since we are living in different countries, we have had to see it separately and commence all our squeeing via the medium of email! I really wanted to share these as I love Ian's opinion of the film. He is much, much cleverer than I! I love his writing, especially when he is excited about something! I hope that if you loved Elysium too then you will find something you can relate to in his words. 
We love sitting around chatting about films. 

***OMGSPOILERS***I must mention that if you haven't seen the film yet then this blog post is not for you! Please don't read any further ^-^***OMGSPOILERS***

Anyway, here are the emails, unedited (and badly spelled on my part!) and RAWR:  


Obvs it's late and I'm tired and need to go to bed, but I had to boot up and log in to mail you about how awesome it was! Christ, I loved every split second of it. It's so gritty and credible but full of awesome tech. I love the story and the characters and how everything pans out in the end. Just perfect. All the actors are great. Not a bad performance in it. I can see why people would complain at the shaky cam, but I think it lent a shot of adrenaline to the fight sequences perfectly and had me gritting my teeth with excitement. The weapons were so satisfying, and when he was using the ChemRail from Elysium's armoury to take that merc dude apart, I nearly cried at how perfect it was.
Plus, the whole film is Blade Runner beautiful, and that's saying something.
It's a D9 beater for me. And, dare I say it, also a Pacific Rim beater too!!! One of the best films I've seen, stat! :D
Totally ordering the book too. I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed it Dani!


 Yes! YES! YEEEEEESSS!! Finally I can have a conversation with someone about Elysium that won't just dismiss it as 'not D9!' Can we Skype about it on Sat evening? 
I loved it too! And the whole world can fuck off with its nit-picky-unfounded-criticisms of Jodie Foster because I LOVED her! She was horrible! Just as greedy and as elitist as today's leaders but multiplied by a 100+ years! I thought she was perfect!
The scenes on earth were harrowing. When he gets trapped in that radiationy-chamber-thingy god I hated every human being on the planet at that moment! I love his character arc so much. The whole movie is very simple, but it's so beautiful and violent and horrible and bleak but ultimately good! I don't know where I'd rather live - Elysium or Earth - both were wretched!
And KRUGER. Fucking hell what a bad guy. When he strokes the face of Frey I crossed my legs so tight! Eeeek! He's the stinking cancer of the film and I looooooved him.
I loved the tech! My friends say that Elysium didn't have a 'holy fuck that's AWESOME mech' moment (just like D9 snooooze get a new line) but I argue that's because there's fucking awesome mech the entire way through! It's easy to ignore the police because they fit in so well but they're all ROBOTS! Yeeeaaaahhh! And the Exo suit hurt me to watch! So awesome!
Argh I'm so glad you loved it! I know I've been saying blah blah stop moaning its not D9 all the way through, but I have to say, it's not a D9 beater for me. But it's right up there. It was exactly what I was hoping and expecting! I love them both for different reasons but Wikus as a character trumps Max I'm afraid, and what happens to him is awful and tragic and awesome and enthralling and I saw it with no expectations and I think it will always be my favourite (Blomkamp) film! I just can't wait to see what he does next?! His ideas seem to come straight out of my own head. He makes these films for meeeeee! :D I wrote Elysium when I was like, 9. I bet we all did. But I never thought it could be so fricking awwwwweesome.
I wish I saw it with you! I bet the drive back would have been an excited conversation! :,) 

Yep, in total agreement. Nothing wrong with Jodie Foster or her accent whatsoever. In the first scene with her ordering Kruger to shoot the ships down, there's a close up shot of her which looks like it was ADRed, and I think that might explain the issue, but after that it was all fine. I also think that her accent squarely identified her as of the elite classes of Elysium. Listen to William Fitchner also (the dude who plays the owner of the company that Max works for and who is a class actor in everything I've ever seen him in) and he also effects a similar accent. So for me, it was an 'in film' detail.
I also agree that Wikus is a more endearing/charming character (and yeah, I like him more than Max), but I like Max also. You see a charming side to him when he's asking Frey out for a coffee in the hospital. Obvs I love D9, but I think it's viewed with rose tinted glasses because it came out of nowhere to conquer us all. It was a total sleeper hit from an unknown director and with a great viral marketing campaign. An awesome underdog story and who doesn't love on of them. But D9 doesn't deliver a satisfying conclusion to me. I'm talking less about Wikus' fate and more about the thematic element - it did a great job of setting up this veiled idea of a racial divide and then made no comment on it whatsoever. Whereas I feel that the conclusion to Elysium rounds out both Max's story arc and the social commentary/class divide themes in a satisfying way at exactly the same time.
Also, the shift from surveillance footage in D9 to normal film/shot construction threw me when I saw it in the cinema, but the filmic techniques in Elysium were spot on. I loved the intense shaky cam during the fighty/action sequences. Like a dose of adrenaline it made me feel like I was the one in the fight. I can understand why people complained that they couldn't keep up, but would you be able to keep up in fight with Kruger/droid/person/firefight etc etc? If all you can see reliably is the occasional detail - i.e. a hand reaching for a blade, a fist coming at you - amongst a blur of confusion, then I'd say that's a pretty good approximation of the panic of a conflict. So that technique really worked for me.
Anyway D9 is still an unbelievably awesome film, but Elysium irons out those one or two minor issues I had with D9, to make it perfect. Love love loved it!


If you agree or don't agree, I'd love to hear! One of the most fun things I did was put an opinion about Prometheus on Facebook that sparked such an amazing discussion! I love talking about what I like and don't like with others. It's so much fun :D 

Monday, 19 August 2013

Mako Mori

Pacific Rim is awesome yo. Yeh, yeh, yeh monsters. Yes, yes, yes robots. My favourite bit was the CHICK THAT KICKED ALL THE ASS. Mako Mori. ^-^ 

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Worry Wart #29

I spent a day in therapy.
A whole 6 hours learning about my thinking. It has been the best thing I could have done. I have been slowly but surely making amazing steps these past few months. Infact: 2013 in general is going to be such a landmark year for me when I look back. A few different techniques, in combination with each other, coupled with unrivalled love and support have meant that I feel like I've finally, finally cracked it. This anxiety thing. This shit thing!

So this is the beginning of the end of Worry Wart. Thank you for all the amazing messages of support and all the incredible conversations that have been as a result of me baring my soul to you in comic strip form (sort of :p) I don't know how many pages it will take me to end the comic, but it will have a happy ending! I am so, so, soooo much better now. It will contain my experiences of hypnotherapy, ASMR, nutrition therapy, stress and mood management courses, CBT, meditation and my (hopefully) final visit to the doctor.

I have never felt so over this.
I don't believe anxiety has the power to ever scare me again. I know what it is. I know exactly what it is. It doesn't mean I can stop it from happening, but when it does? I am sure it will hold no where near as much power over me as it did all those years ago.
This has been a 5 year battle. It is so hard to relay that in a short comic. And it will be hard to finish it properly. But finish it I must.

Because this comic, or rather the making of this comic, is no longer beneficial to me. And that was always what it was intended for, to be beneficial to me. I am now so far removed from the character in these pages. I don't need to relive these memories. But it will always be here, to remind me just how far I have come. How many steps I took. How I never gave up, no matter how loudly I threatened to. How much I have learned.

I hope that you will always enjoy reading it. One day, if I can figure out how to stitch some sort of narrative into it's tangled mess, I would love to print it ^-^ I would also love to redraw it! Hah!

And you should give yourself a hug every once in awhile! Because, no matter what, we are always trying! And that's the shitting most anyone can ask of us, ever!

To read Worry Wart from the beginning click here!

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Worry Wart #27

I know I have touched on this before, eliminating foods, but it really was such a psychologically massive part of my life around 2010-2011. I wouldn't eat anywhere. There was only bread left in my diet at one point... HO BOY WAS THAT AN ERROR. The comic will reveal why soon enough, but for now here is page 27! Wow, 27 pages! Good going, bintykins. I wish I hadn't have bloody lied to the CBT lady, or to everyone else for that matter. I didn't even tell my partner at the time. Having no one to talk to makes EVERYTHING worse. You just have this internal war all day long. I have learned a very valuable lesson. But some behaviours prevail, unfortunately. Not eating before I have a journey/event/meeting/interview is one of them. I have starved myself for days before a train journey just to make sure I'm 'empty.' Not healthy at all. To read Worry Wart from the beginning click here!