Squishy Head: Skin

Worry Wart #27

I know I have touched on this before, eliminating foods, but it really was such a psychologically massive part of my life around 2010-2011. I wouldn't eat anywhere. There was only bread left in my diet at one point... HO BOY WAS THAT AN ERROR. The comic will reveal why soon enough, but for now here is page 27! Wow, 27 pages! Good going, bintykins. I wish I hadn't have bloody lied to the CBT lady, or to everyone else for that matter. I didn't even tell my partner at the time. Having no one to talk to makes EVERYTHING worse. You just have this internal war all day long. I have learned a very valuable lesson. But some behaviours prevail, unfortunately. Not eating before I have a journey/event/meeting/interview is one of them. I have starved myself for days before a train journey just to make sure I'm 'empty.' Not healthy at all. To read Worry Wart from the beginning click here!

Squishy Head: Friend

Worry Wart has a cover! And a page #26!

What do you think? :D

To read Worry Wart from the beginning click here!

Squishy Head

Axa

Here is a drawing of Axa that I coloured up as a birthday pressie for a very good friend of mine. I have included the stages as I find it so interesting when I see other artists breakdowns! I am trying to really push my colouring lately! I hope I'm getting better :D

Also: here's a cheeky bit of reference I used! It's not even Axa! :D Mmmmmm Xena...

Dexter's Half Dozen pin-up

Dexters Half Dozen is one of my abso fave UK Indie titles! They have 8 issues out and are currently collecting them together to print as trades. When artist David Clifford asked me to do a pin up to print in the back of one of their books I almost jumped on him! I was so excited! So here she is! I think it's my bestest work ever, I am so happy with it! I've collected the baddies from The Pit of Pestilence issues (#5 and #6) and thrown Walpurgis in for good measure. I love a bad girl, me, and DHD is full of them! Anna cons the soliders into following her to their certain doom. She says 'Do you know what it is like, to lose everyone you ever loved?' Tricksy bitch!

I bloody love Dave's artwork! And I never thought I could get so sucked into a WWII story quite so much as I am with this series! It is written by Jamie Lambert and he is one funny dude! I hope you can see just how much I love this comic in my pin up. It doesn't do the series justice though: CHECK IT OOOOUT!

Commission: Instruction signage!

I recently had a brief to create some instruction sheets for some equipment used in a stop-motion animation studio! Specifically in the puppet making department and, even more specifically, for a cool bit of kit called a Vacuum Chamber!
Here is my finished work:

I got the chance to use it too! Watching air being sucked out of silicone is coooool!

I am currently open for commissions!

Need some 'toons? You let me know, yeah!? I am so contactable it's almost sad! I work digitally. Full colour, B&W, character art, comics pages, whatever your project needs! Get in touch and we can talk quotes! I can work to suit all budgets!

Hope you enjoyed the sketch dump! I have been busy preparing for, travelling to, enjoying and selling at and eventually, getting over Bristol Comic Expo 2013! What a blast! We sold 90 comics! That's amazing - it's only our second con and we are over the mooooon! You can buy one or both issues of RAZARHAWK over at our Comicsy Store! Woo woo!

Worry Wart #25

You can find out everything you need to from www.moodpanda.com
I downloaded it from the app store on my iPhone back when I was doing CBT. It's great for recording your mood as a numerical value so you can remember for later. The best thing about it is seeing all your Happy and Sad updates in one place, so you can spot patterns. If you can spot a pattern then you are more likely to make changes and stick to them - it's tailored, it works for you.
I became so in love with moodpanda I even designed the sites avatars :)

Here are some of the avatars I drew!

It also offers a community of like minded people, all over the world. More often than not, someone will be feeling exactly the same as you - and they can let you know in the form of virtual hugs! It's recently featured on American telly too! On NBC! Not bad for a free app created in Bristol!

If you don't want hugs then you can make it entirely private too! But who doesn't like hugs!?

I know I sound like a sales rep, but I really can't tell you how much moodpanda has dragged me through some awful times. And I don't really need to sell it, if you feel like me then you'll know how useful it could be.

I love tech!

To read Worry Wart from the beginning click here!

Worry Wart #24

Not doing a grand old job of heeding this advice myself today! But it does work for me when I can make myself do it! I am finding yoga to be a fab mood booster and I love the feeling of knackered muscles the day after. Some poses are so much harder than they look! The standing side stretch thingy is impossible to hold for 10 breaths! It's YUCK! But it's called a yoga 'practice' because there is no perfect yoga. It's always a practice! Keep practicing! 

When my mind is erratic and bad thoughts are spinning out of control and I can't calm down, I always try to remember to take a moment to have a calming camomile tea. A sit and a re-think, a break, is always a good idea when I get like this! Slow that brain down, it's not a race! And just because my thoughts are racing doesn't mean my heart actually is! 

I have recently been very worried about this comic, and the effect it might be having on my future job prospects. All a possible employer would have to do is google me and 'BAM! Dani Abram is a nervous mental!' But I wanted to be open and honest. It was a big decision to make it not anonymous. I only hope anyone finding this comic would appreciate what a focused and creative endeavor I have turned my anxiety into. 

What do you think? 

To read from the beginning click here!

The other day, whilst meditating...

Worry Wart #23

Let's focus on some positives! I can not recommend this podcast enough. It is also a wonderfully informative website with loads of tips on how to meditate. The method of these meditations suits me down to the ground. No chanting or focusing on something so you can't get it wrong!It's all about learning that thoughts will come and go easily and you can sit quietly in your mind and watch them, they have no consequence to you. Thoughts are not you! This is something that has taken a long, long, loooong time to learn. When I am pottering around the planet thinking 'Argh, I'm so shit!' it doesn't ACTUALLY MAKE ME SHIT! It is a thought and it has no power. That is a brilliant thing to realise!

There are tons to try on the website and I have found there are a couple that really make sense to me and I listen to them depending on my mood. Sometimes, I don't even hear them. Sometimes I fall asleep.
And it doesn't matter. That is perfect :)

"You know what you need!?"

It is no secret that I am a mentally unstable, anxious young lady. If I don't have a midweek existential crisis, then that was a good week. I have documented my struggle with anxiety on many platforms. If you're my friend, you'll know all about it. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll know all about it. If you read this blog, then you'll know all about it.

It's been years since I was young enough to be blissfully unaware. I don't remember when all this started, but it has been a part of my world for a long, long, long time. I have body issues, confidence issues, generalised anxiety disorder and (most of my waking moments) a constant feeling of inadequacy.
My family, on the occasional phone calls or few emails we exchange, ask 'how have you been? Really?' Because they know there's the truth. And then the true truth.

I hope I'm painting the picture of an immature, unsure, depressed, selfish and panicky human being, because that's precisely what I am. I haven't figured myself out yet. I haven't quite nailed my place in the world. I can't catch a bus without crying. I can't answer the phone. I can't eat in restaurants. I can't be a good friend. I can't be real to anybody. I can't make plans. I can't take holidays. I can't book Opticians appointments.

Over the years I've had many nuggets of wisdom thrown my way. Classics such as 'just snap out of it!' 'Just stop panicking!' 'Just stop thinking so much!' (My reaction to and opinion of these nuggets is an entirely different blog post. One that has been written many times before me and will again. And by people better with wurds an' that.) But the one bit of advice that I get frequently that really bothers me, more than any of those?

"You know what you need? A baby. That'll sort you right out.'

I can't begin to describe my feelings about what is wrong with this nugget of 'wisdom.' It keeps being said though. By women in my life who I love and respect on every level. Who brought me into this world and did their fucking best with what they had. The only answer I can ever give when I hear these words is 'how could you!? How could you possibly believe that!?

I find it hard to believe that I am the only woman to hear this message too. I have no proof, obviously. But I just bet there's generations been born from this ridiculous piece of non advice. It makes me so mad to hear it. What if I was in such a state, I was such an impressionable young girl, that I believed it!? And took that as solid, good advice? 'They must be right! They're older and wiser than me!' Argh, it makes me queasy :(
And what would the poor human being I spawned as a result turn out like?! As ill equipped and as scared and as unhappy as I am, I'm just betting!

Please, women, don't say these things to me. Don't say them to anyone.

I don't really know where else I am heading with this blog post. It was just something personal that happened and I was so angry I wanted to write!

Worry Wart #22

This is right now. I can so quickly fall into the pattern of not wanting to go outside or see anyone. And I try to keep working in an attempt to make that ok. I am too scared of being seen, I just don't want anyone to know I exist. I think that people will think 'Look at that girl! Why is she wandering around? Does she not have a job?'




To read from the beginning click here!

Worry Wart 14 - 20.

Here is a Worry Wart update. Sorry for such a lot of pages in one go but I really am not following any rules ya know! :D

I wish I had the original list I wrote at the therapy centre! But it wasn't really one of the things I HAD to pack to move to Ireland! I was given a lot of worksheets too. The good news is, that when I felt I no longer needed them, I gave them to someone else to read! So I hope I helped you mystery person who shall remain nameless! 

I wish I'd tried harder at CBT. I just had no one to talk to! If I had the support I have now, I would have been flying! And me and my parents are on much better terms! I am happy they are happy! But I was never prepared for the affects of divorce on a 'grown up.' 

 To read from the beginning click here! :D

Worry Wart #21

 To read from the beginning click here! :D

Am I Pretty?

Public Display of Affection

This is my hero: Ian. He's an Earth Rocker and I love him. He has the best beard ever. He's the kindest, most supportive and open minded human being I have ever crossed paths with. He loves comics and Warhammer and my chilli. I am not very good at PDAs but here it is anyway! I wouldn't be here without you Ian. <3

Worry Wart #13

When I began running I couldn't run for 3 minutes! We'd signed up after new year for the Bristol 10k Race 2010! I thought it sounded impossible but we took it slowly at first - the BEST way! We soon ran 10k easy peasey and I was so proud of finishing the race in May. I've done it again since and I still love running. There is no mood booster quite like exercise. You know why they all say that right?! 'Cause it's true!

I haven't seen these lovely ladies in a long while. If you're reading this - thank you so much! <3


 To read from the beginning click here! :D

Worry Wart #12

The doctor gave me Propranolol with the instructions 'try to take them before situations that you might panic in.' I had told him I'd become scared of going to cinemas (I had recently left Inglourious Basterds through the trailers in a fit of a panic attack) and cafe's, restaurants and pubs were becoming a no-no! But I just couldn't predict when I would panic accurately. And so I can't say it worked for me. Had I taken one every day instead (I would revisit Propranolol in combination with another drug way, waaay later!) maybe I would have have been ok.

I tried to stay herbal for months! I remember thinking that it wasn't a real problem if I was taking something herbal for it... but I was a nutter if it was prescribed drugs! Silly way of thinking, if you need help - you need help. End of! :D

I do enjoy a nice cup of camomile tea and a sit down. mmmmmm. To read from the beginning click here! :D

Worry Wart #11

So far I am really enjoying it! Those are my actual pyjimjams too :D

To read from the beginning click here! :D

Worry Wart #10

I have written loads of pages of Worry Wart since I moved to Ireland for the year. During the latter half of last year, I weened myself (all cold turkey like) off all the drugs I was on and took regularly to combat my anxiety. So I am now au natural but boy does that mean I have to take my time to analyse what's going on before acting/reacting to anything. It's sad for me to report that I am still fighting. I so hoped that I would have 'gone back to normal' by now... it's been years! I feel so hard done by because I remember a time when I wasn't like this! I would get on any bus with almost reckless abandon! I didn't even think about it! Since moving to Ireland though, I have flown back to the UK ON AN ACTUAL PLANE once, and back again! I can not stress how important this is to me!


 Anyway, if I can sort through my notes and my diary, maybe I can make more comics because it sure helps me.


Isn't crying weird!?

OFF PANEL: Indie Comics Battleground!

Check this out folks! RAZARHAWK is featuring as part of an Indie/Small Press UK Comics Top Trumps style gamey thingy!

What!?

DO YOU like small press comics?
DO YOU like Top Trumps?!
DO YOU LOVE the amazing talent that seeps from this awesome islands mountainous teats!?
Well, you know that Nich Angell guy? He does that 7String!? For a number of months he has been
beavering away at making a card game starring some of the UKs favourite small press characters! Look how gorgeous:

As a small press fangirl I am so excited about some of the artists included in this card set! LOOK! JESS BRADLEY! MARK PEARCE! JON LOCK! JAMES STAYTE! There's so many more! 

BUT LOOK AT THE CARDS! They're so frigin' preeeetty!! 

For more details Nich has set up a facebook page and if you're going to LSCC then he'll have some sets for you to preview! As soon as I know more about when I'll have my fat mitts on some, rest assured, I shall post! :D 

THERE'S OUR GIRL! 

I can't wait to play and see who beats who! :D

So go 'like' the FB page and support your Indie heroes! 

CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!

Preparation of CICAE 2013 is ongoing! :D :D :D

RAZARHAWK #1 is complete!

On the 20th January 2013, the last few letters were added to RazarHawk! And the people rejoiced, for it was finished ^-^ 

Here is the cover! 

We can not wait to launch it Cardiff International Comics and Animation Expo 2013 on the 2nd March! You'll come won't you!? It's such an awesome con and I can't wait for my first table experience to be there :D 

A Story for Eva

Whilst I am living in Ireland I have been keeping myself busy with arts and writing and cooking and stuff. Before I left I met my friends baby, Eva, and fell madly in love! ^-^ I made her a little teddy and when I met her she ate it and wouldn't put it down :D She was so cute! I wanted to make her a special present for her first birthday and so I am making a book for her to read! I hope she will love it as much as I am loving drawing it! Here's a page or two in progress...

What do you think!? I have never made a book as a pressie before! I hope she dribbles on it good and proper!